Friendship: Interpersonal Relationship and Friendships

Friends and Friendships in emergent Adulthood Carolyn Manager Barry* Loyola University Maryland Stephanie D. Madsen McDaniel College Ill be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. l These lyrics began each circumstance of the plebeian sitcom Friends. The trials and tribulations of these six 20- nearthing shoplifters captivated the Ameri potful public for a decade until Ross, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel heretoforetu every last(predicate)y transitioned to maturity date at the shows closure.Perhaps the shows popularity was due to having some truth in the fiction (a) conversancys can be a proxy family for upstart quite a little, offer invaluable advice, frequent, and musicianship (b) friends can be of the like or opposite sex, neverthe little these two types of acquaintance work discordently (c) friends may engage in casual sex, just now may in any case compel involved amative exclusivelyy (d) familiaritys be central to the lives of appear adul ts, curiously those who argon single and non in a serious amative kind and (e) friends help people to figure themselves out and influence their doings, potentially for both comfortably and bad.As is the case with all TV shows, there is as well pure fiction in this sitcom these six friends lived in the comparable apartments in the same(p) city ND oft held stilt the same Job for over a decade. Instead, instability is more than(prenominal) than the norm among realize emergent adults. Also, some American unseasoned people get married and become p arents in their late ass quite a than the ass (as the sitcom depicted). So while stodgy acquaintances are critical to rising adults happiness, search for their identities, and reliable loves, friends become less important once theyve figured out the big questions of heart and corroborate deck in marriage, lineage, and careers.Still, for emergent adults, friends can fill the growing gap amongst the succession when th ey leave he families they grew * Carolyn Manager Barry is an associate professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland. Stephanie Madsen is an associate professor of psychology at McDaniel College. 2 Changing Spirituality of Emerging Adults up in and when they establish families of their own. Can Men and Women Be Friends? With persons of the same or opposite sex. Children need same-sex familiaritys in order to develop into well-disposedly skilled, moral, and empathetic adults.From the teen old age on, it is commonality to make friends with both sexes, and these acquaintances can be f good fictitious character, as seen in Rachel and Joeys familiarity?they regularly shared problems, offered give birth, and simply enjoyed each others company. Still, people most take same-sex friendly relationships throughout their lives, and it is less common for men and women to be friends beyond college or after one friend marries. Friendships between men and women differ in some ways from those between people of the same sex. Mens companionships with women are more stirred uply intimate than their friendships with men.And heterosexual men often seek friendships with women to whom they are sexually attracted. Not surprisingly then, close to Alfa of opposite-sex friends in college report that they have engaged in sexual behavior, which has the potential to hurt the blood. However, legion(predicate) college students turn over that sex enhances a friendships quality and helps them to cerebrate whether they want to remain Just friends or move on to something more. What Are Friendships Like? There appears to be some truth to the old adage birds of a conjoin flock unitedly. Certainly we saw this portrayed in the six characters on Friends. All shared the same heathenishity (European American), enjoyed the same activities (sipping coffee at Central Perk), and had similar levels of social skills (though Joey seemed more adept at acquire dates than Ross or Chand ler). Such similarities offer a common ground that strengthens friendships and helps them to endure. Womens friendships are often communal?offering companionship, intimacy, emotional security, and affection. Friends Rachel and Monica supported each other with late-night chats.Mens friendships emphasize competition and are more gigantic? providing help, a reliable alliance, and self-validation. Friends Joey and Chandler 3 competed in videotapes from matching recliners. Still, men and women set friendships with all of these features (perhaps placing greater importance on the communal). From the teen years on, intimacy becomes the authentication of friendships and is related to how close we feel toward our friends. Emerging adults friendships are even more emotionally intimate than their friendships of Just a few years earlier. Relationship quality depends not scarce on what you ordinate friends, but excessively what you get.In addition to the healthy dimensions we described above , friendships can also have controvert aspects, much(prenominal) as frequent conflict, power inequities, and antagonism. Womens friendships, in particular, can fall pit to co-rumination, where women obsess over problems in their lives in conversations with friends instead of taking fruitful action. In one event of Friends, Chandler sought support from the girls following a break-up they urged him to talk or so his feelings (adding, if you want to lead to depression. Thankfully, prescribed friendship qualities can help buffer negative ones.Friends focused on one particular cultural and ethnical group. Likewise, current research on emerging-adult friendships largely ignores cultural influences on friendships, though important differences exist. For example, different ethnic groups seek different friendship qualities. Asian Americans emphasize an amicable exchange of ideas, African Americans seek toleration and respect, Hispanic Americans highlight the importance of relational s upport, and European Americans focus on meeting individual ask of each friend. How Do Friendships Change across Emerging Adulthood?Given the many transitions that emerging adults face, it is not surprising that their friendships change as well. Transformations in friendships and friendship profits relate to life stage rather than age. So kat once that a person is 20 versus 26 does not ell us much about their friendships. Instead, discerning whether they are amorousally involved or have children is much more informative than age alone. Friends are frequent companions, getting together at least once a week for no peculiar(prenominal) purpose (for example, gathering at Central Perk Just to talk) and less frequently 4 for events such(prenominal) as movies, parties, and concerts.Friends find less season to get together as they progress toward adulthood. Despite these overall changes in approaches to friendship networks, emerging adults keep their individual patterns of interactin g with friends. So a real social or very shy teen will look at the same approach to friendship networks as an emerging adult. The small friendship network on Friends remained stable over 10 years?not at all typical of most emerging adults networks. Instead, emerging adults become increasingly flexible in whom they acknowledge in friendship networks and how they obtain these networks.They grow more accepting of opposite-sex friendships, even keeping former boyfriends or girlfriends on as friends. European American emerging adults friendship networks become more diverse ( particularly if they are exposed to more diverse social networks through allege or work), but the networks of African American, Latino American, and Asian American emerging adults become less diverse (especially if they invest in activities and groups linked to their ethnicity). relation to the rest of the lifespan, friendship networks are the largest during early emerging adulthood and get smaller later on in e merging adulthood.Although women have more close friends than do men on average, mens and womens friendship networks are of equal size. Still, the friendship network on Friends did illustrate the density that is typical of emerging adults friends. It is common for many network members to share common links (working at the same place, living in the same building) or even to be friends with each other. People tend to form relationships with others in their same social situation. True to life, the characters in Friends shared roughly the same place in life when their group formed.They were single, had no or few childcare responsibilities, and were still searching for meaningful careers. More on the side of fiction, the friendship network of these television friends did not change in response to their own life changes, as is happily. Friends seldom featured the workplace, but many emerging adults find friends there as they explore career pathways and settle into adult work roles. Career stage influences the lives of single emerging-adult men, especially.These men often have large 5 friendship networks preparer, but have few friends who provide emotional or instrumental support the condemnation constraints inherent in beginning a career bring friendship networks pig to a more manageable size. Career transitions dont seem to alter single womens friendship networks in the same way?women maintain ironsides networks during their careers that are similar in size to those they had while in their late teens and early ass. The characters on Friends had many quixotic involvements, and whether emerging adults are single, dating, or married affects friendship networks.Single and dating people are strongly attached to friends, naming friends as their top companions and confidants. In contrast, romantically involved emerging adults change the time they spend with friends. Early in their relationships, emerging-adult couples spend more time with friends to enroll them to th eir new romantic interest. that as the relationship gets serious, the couple withdraws from the circle of friends. This was shown in the final season of Friends. By then Monica and Chandler had hooklike up, fallen in love, and gotten married.When the group of friends gathered to celebrate Earaches daughters first originday, Monica and Chandler instead opted to sneak away for a romantic weekend alone. Typically, withdrawal is selective, with couples spending less time with peripheral friends and more time with friends who support their relationship. A few Friends characters became parents, an event that typically happens at the end of?or even after?emerging adulthood. Although their tight friendship network remained stable, parenthood normally reorganizes friendship networks.New parents report fewer friends following the birth of a child, and fathers, especially, report less satisfying and confirmative friendships than they experienced beforehand. Family members generally do not soften (and in truth feel that they should not try) to influence who emerging adults friends are or what they do with these friends. And friendships dont often influence family relationships. Instead, some emerging adults view their friends as being family. Sexual-minority emerging adults whose families reject them sometimes adopt a family of choice from a network of supportive friends.Other emerging adults do this as well as, as shown when Friends characters spent free grace together instead of Joining their families. Likewise, it is common to hear emerging 6 emerging adults sometimes consider family members (especially siblings or cousins) to be friends. For example, Ross and Monica were siblings who offered each other companionship and emotional intimacy. Finding close ties among family members provides a fixate source of support, but being more involved with peers helps merging adults brave out some transitions better (for example, contemptible away from home).Friends and friendship networks also influence romantic relationships. For example, emerging adults often find new romantic partners within their existing friendship networks. This meaner that the diversity found within an emerging adults friendship network influences the likelihood that he or she will date someone of a different race. Friends complain loudly when too much time is spent with a romantic partner (but they are likely to support the romantic relationship if they know the boyfriend or girlfriend well).Friends support (or lack of support) for a romantic relationship affects the couples level of commitment to the relationship. Perhaps knowing this, emerging adults are sometimes selective about the friends to whom they introduce a new romantic partner. Friends can influence break-ups, but they do so infrequently. Couples dont stay together for the sake of their friends, even though there can be a high cost to good luck up with a romantic partner when they share the same friends. For e xample, throughout the series, Ross and Rachel had an on-again, off-again relationship.Each time they broke up, it break their friendship network. Why Do Friendships Matter to Emerging Adults? From toddlers to old age, we have friends. But why are they so important in the lives of emerging adults? First, friends support emerging adults individuation development. Friendships provide feelings of worth as well as opportunities for story telling and frank discussions about religion, life aspirations, moral dilemmas, and relationships. Certainly, friends banter at Central Perk not only rehashed the weeks events, but also tried to make sense of the domain around them.The intimacy forged wrought these heartfelt discussions not only helps with finding oneself, but also nurtures close friendships. Second, friendships contribute to how emerging adults feel about themselves feeling good (or bad) about your friendships coincides with feeling good (or bad) about 7 yourself. Emerging adults wh o rarely spend time with their friends are lonely. But spending time with friends who validate their feelings brings happiness (perhaps this explains why Joey was perpetually happy, despite not having much success as a which are useful during the many?and at times anxiety-inducing?transitions that merging adults face.Third, friendships support emerging adults understandings of how relationships work, and, in fact, many discussions center on these ties. Friendships provide occasions to see things from someone elses point of view. This, in turn, helps emerging adults to speculate through issues more critically and carefully. Fourth, friendships offer companionship?both in person and from afar?during what can be a lonely time. Over the past decade, emerging adults have increasingly relied upon cell phones, testing, clamant messaging, and social networking sites like Faceable to communicate with friends.Online friendships can be good ones, especially when they last long decorous to d evelop into emotionally close and supportive relationships that supplement existing friendships. On the other hand, having 800 online friends is not akin to having friends you see regularly. In the coming years, maybe well know what benefits online-only friendships serve and when it is that technologies improve?rather than undermine?friendships. For now it is safe to say that most emerging adults use technology to enhance existing friendships rather than to switch over them.Lastly, friendships involve intimacy and interdependence, and the development of these skills supports ongoing and future romantic relationships. Same-sex friends regularly discuss their romantic relationships?especially problems. Given that men find the most intimacy in their friendships with women, these friendships probably help them to develop emotional intimacy skills theyll need for other close relationships. Can Birds of a Feather Shape a pot? Emerging adults report that friends affect their major life decisions.In fact, friends behaviors affect emerging adults positive outcomes, including church attendance. Friends behaviors also influence more negative outcomes (e. . , those with aggressive 8 friends are more likely to abuse their romantic partners). Besides friends behavior, the quality of the friendship matters, with better friendships promoting positive adjustment and reducing problem behaviors. We dont yet know whether these effects are due to choosing a bird with similar feathers or birds shaping each others behavior? likely it is a bit of both. What Does Friends Teach Us about Friends?Friends went off the air in 2005, but through DVD releases and syndication it continues to illustrate core concepts about emerging-adult friendships today. This show offers key implications for practitioners working with actual 20-something friends. 1 . Friendships are important in emerging adulthood, but their importance changes as romantic relationships become more salient and stable. Amid emerging- adults numerous transitions, practitioners should ask troubled young people about and (mostly) Platonic opposite-sex friendships, in man these are less common than same-sex ones.As seen in Ross and Earaches relationship, the line between a friend and a romantic/sexual partner is often fuzzy, creating feelings of anticipation and disappointment. Practitioners should be careful not to assume that opposite-sex friendships among heterosexuals are Platonic or romantic. 3. Practitioners should strive to create environments that support friendships with diverse peoples. For many young people, moving out on their own provides their first exposure to individuals with substantially different backgrounds and ideas from their own. Interactions with these individuals can support growing maturity. . Friends are potent for better and for worse. Helping emerging adults form friendships with people who show positive behaviors (e. G. Ammonias career success) will, in turn, evoke successf ul development. Likewise, emerging adults whose friends are making poor life decisions may find it helpful to exceed themselves from these friends and align themselves with other friends who are making better decisions. 9 5. Friendships are particularly important for marginalia peoples (ethnic or sexual minorities), and efforts to form friendships with allies and similar others will serve these young people well.For some, friendship and family networks overlap. Friends may be close enough to be considered family likewise, some emerging adults insider family members to fulfill friendship needs as well, as Monica and Ross clearly did. 6. Although Friends characters were limited to cell phone use, modern- day emerging adults are as. N. Y with technologies such as testing and social networking sites to support existing friendships rather than supplant them. This appears to be a positive dimension of friendships that makes sense given that they are always on the move.But practitioners s hould encourage face-to-face interactions, particularly for very personal and life-transforming discussions?not all of lifes battles can be won or lost via Faceable. . Emerging adults weather transitions best when they maintain existing friendships but are open to forming new friendships. For example, upon moving to the city, Rachel rekindled her old friendship with Monica but established new friendships with the other four. This may be challenging for some emerging adults who prefer to stick close to family, but making friends in new settings benefits them in the long run.Throughout our whole lives?but especially in emerging adulthood, it seems?we need friends who will be there for Notes The Rembrandt (1995), Ill Be There for You, Atlantic Records. Episode 14 The One with the Cake, season 10, episode 4 The One with All the Thanksgivings, season 5, episode 8 The Pilot (The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate), season 1, episode 1 . 10 Annotated Bibliography Fall, W. A. , and Faulkner, S. L. (2000). On being Just friends The frequency and impact of sexual activity in cross-sex friendships. Journal of Social and personal Relationships, 17, 205-222.Can women and men be Just friends? These authors sampled American university students and found that some emerging adults can have platonic friendships with the opposite sex. However, approximately half of heterosexual college students have had sex with opposite-sex friends. Among those who added benefits to their friendships, some did so frequently and others only every few years. The overwhelming majority of these friends were single when sexual encounters occurred, but a third of these friendships include at least one romantically involved friend.Having sex with a friend was relationship-enhancing in some cases and quite damaging in others. Allan, G. (2008). Flexibility, friendship, and family. Personal Relationships, 15, 1-16. In a comprehensive and current overview of reindeers (including friendships in emerging adul thood), this author highlights instances where friendship and family overlap, support each other, and are in conflict with each other. A sociologist, Dry. Allan especially focuses on societal changes over the past 40 years that have allowed people to enjoy greater freedom and flexibility in forming their own personal relationships.He reflects on suffusion in relationships (the merging family and friend relationships) but emphasizes that people have distinct understanding of these two types of relationships. Bagel, C. L. , Bender, S. E. Andresens, C. L. , Kinshasa, T. L. , Monticello, S. A. , and Mueller, J. G. (2005). Friendship quality and perceived relationship changes predict psychosocial adjustment in early adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22, 235- 254. 11 It seems that although friends agree about the quality of their relationship, each person has a slightly different view of the relationship.When friends disagreed about their relationship, they felt les s satisfied about the friendship and were more hostile. So while having friendships with positive dimensions is important, noting the extent f negative dimensions in the relationship matters as well, particularly as it can shape an individuals well-being. Barry, C. M. , Madsen, S. D. , Nelson, L. J. , Carroll,J. S. , adulthood Differential associations with identity development and achieved adulthood criteria. Journal of Adult Development, 16, 209-222. How do friendships change as emerging adults move toward adulthood?In a study of over 700 emerging adults, these authors found that people who were more adulteries actually had poorer quality friendships than did those who had not yet made adult commitments. In contrast, adulteries emerging adults had better romantic relationships. It seems that some of the stairs toward becoming an adult (settling into a career, avoiding risky behavior, etc. ) might happen because of romantic partners more than because of friends. Boost, K. K. , Cox, M. J. , Brunching, M. R. , and Payne, C. (2002).Structural and supportive changes in couples family and friendship networks across the transition to parenthood. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64, 517-531. Having a baby changes everything?including friendship networks. These authors followed 137 couples from he time they were expecting to their childrens second birthdays. Close friendships were especially important to new mothers over this time period, while their husbands friendship networks declined and became less satisfying. For all parents, having close friendships protected against feelings of depression during this transition.Crabber, J. , and Burgomaster, D. (1998). Friendship and need fulfillment during three phases of young adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, 393-409. 12 Changing Spirituality of Emerging Adults These scholars examined how friendship lays out in different phases of emerging adulthood defined by family roles rather than by age the s ingle phase, the meritorious-children phase, and the parenthood phase. Emerging adults rely on friends to meet social needs the most during the single phase, slowing down their reliance as they move to the married and parenthood phases.Women call on friends for emotional support more than men do across all three phases. Deck, E. L. , Laggardly, J. G. , Miller, A. C. , schemer, M. J. , and Ryan, R. M. (2006). On the benefits of giving as well as receiving autonomy support Mutuality in close friendships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32, 313-327. Is it better to give than to receive support? The originators of Self-Determination Theory (Decide and Ryan, 2000) showed that receiving support from authority figures makes a big difference in peoples motivation and satisfaction.This study extends their findings to friendships, where each partner is equal in terms of their authority. Indeed, people benefit by giving and receiving autonomy support to/from their friends, but it i s the giving of such support to a close friend that matters more to a persons well-being. Admire, M. , Oxidize, M. , and Whitecap, L. A. (2007). Looking to happy tomorrows with friends Best and close friendships as they predict happiness. Journal of gratification Studies, 8, 243-271. trance friendship and happiness seem like a natural fit, the story is more complicated.Do all friends make people happy? The scholars find that spending time with a best friend makes people happy, especially when they also spend time with a persons happiness. Female, D. H. (2001). No couple is an island A social network perspective on dyadic stability. Social Forces, 79, 1259-1287. How do friends affect emerging adults romantic relationships? Interestingly, this study finds that persuasion hat friends support a romantic relationship matters more 13 than how much they actually support it.These perceptions of support from friends lead to more stable relationships, but at the same time, having a really c lose best friendship makes it less likely that a romantic relationship will endure (perhaps because the friendship competes with the romantic partnership for ones time). It seems that friendships can have both positive and negative effects on emerging adults romantic relationships. Grief, G. L. (2009). Buddy system Understanding male friendships. New York Oxford University Press. Considerable emphasis has been given to womens friendships with their hallmark high levels of emotional intimacy.The author levels the playing field in this book by summarizing extensive interviews with four hundred men to describe what makes their friendships tick, affirming the importance of friendships for the well-being of men and communities. Additional interviews with women allow for appropriate contrast between the two genders. The author presents a typology of different kinds of male friendships must (friends with whom it is critical to share important news), reliance (highly liked friends, but not as useful as a must reined), Just (acquaintances who are companions), and rust friends (long-time friends).Lastly, characteristics of male friendships from early to late adulthood are described and interwoven with meaningful life events that shape these close relationships. Hearth, W. W. , and Stevens, N. (1997). Friendships and adaptation in the life course. Psychological Bulletin, 121, 355-370. These scholars show that friendships add considerable value throughout the lifespan. Peoples expectations and descriptions of their friends change throughout life, which makes sense given that peoples thinking becomes more sophisticated. Regardless of these changes, people of all ages agree that friendships should involve both give and take.How friends engage with one another does change with age and situation. While having friends generally is a good thing for people, it depends upon the identity of friends and the quality of these relationships. 14 Letterer, A. M. , Griffin, E. M. , and Sparks, G. G. (2007). Forecasting friends forever A longitudinal investigation of sustained closeness between best friends. Personal Relationships, 14, 343-350. Following a age group of university students from 1983 until 2002, these scholars examine which college friendship characteristics matter in